I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and all the thoughts tormenting me the day before came back: Do the people know how to take care of the little animal? Will they see that it gets enough food? Won’t they allow their children harass it?
Have I assessed the people correctly? Wasn’t I to hasty with my decision? Maybe I sould have waited a bit longer?!
As a matter of fact, when some not very talkative man called me again and said he wouldn’t wait till the next day and he’ll come to the distant village I lived in by bus, I understood he really cared. I felt it even stronger, when answering my chaotic questions if he had a proper cage for carrying the small animal, because the little creature could get frightened and run away or be run by a car, he said composedly yet decidedly:
‘It won’t suffer any harm – I can give you my word for it.’
However, my doubts came back when I saw a slim man with a nine year old boy getting off the bus. I suddenly got frightened. What if it was a dysfunctional family? They took a nice small cage with them, but at the first sight they didn’t win my trust. Adding to that, I was almost sure I saw an empty… vodka bottle in their bag! Suddenly I felt my stomach turning into a hard ball full of stress and fright.
Tiny kittens though dirty and full of flees immediately won our hearts. When I found them in our garden a few days earlier they had to have wandered without their mother for many hours because they ignored all the cat safety regulations and desperately calling for help they run to… our bitch. For a few days we took care of them, fed them, stroked them, brushed dirty coats with a soft brush. We fell in love with every one of them, even the smallest, most fearful one who, as the only one, would hit our bitch with his claws when she tried to sniff him and would hid behind his brother and sister when I brought them a bowl of food. After a few days even he would come to us from his hiding place and, purring, would ask us to cuddle him. I grew fond of the little animals and I felt responsible for them. I didn’t want to give them to someone who would get bored of them after a few days and would leave them in a forest… or torment them…
When I was lying completely awake in my bed with the rest of the house sound asleep, and all the things that happened the day before were coming back to me again and again, suddenly a hardly noticeable thought appeared in my head (or my heart?):
How about your trust?…
You did everything you could for the kittens to find good homes.
You saw that they were clean, well fed, that they got as much care and love as they needed. In a few days you read everything about cats you could find on the Internet and you moved heaven and earth to find people that would take good care of them.
You can’t possibly do more…
The rest is in the hands of…
… God?… The Source of Life?… The Supreme Good?… Some incomprehensible for the limited human mind Force full of infinite peace and love who cares for all, however tinny, creature in the universe?
Don’t you remember that when the man took the cage out of his bag, the vodka bottle appeared to be two… mineral water bottles. Don’t you remember that when I drove him to the city, he told me I could call him or his wife and visit them to make sure the kitten was ok.
Why do I keep repeating: I could have seen to it better. I could have waited a few days longer and find the kitten a better family. I didn’t try hard enough.
Where is the place for the loving, powerful Force? You believe it’s somewhere there, but here it didn’t have much to say? You believe it’s almighty, but just now it’s powerless?
Please, stop struggling. Stop fighting. Believe your kittens and you yourself get the best, most loving care that ever existed. Let it look after yourself and all the people, animals and things that are dear to you.